COPING WITH GRIEF AT CHRISTMAS

Christmas is often painted as the most wonderful time of the year—a season of joy, togetherness, and celebration. But for those of us grieving the loss of a loved one, it can also be one of the hardest. The festive cheer all around can feel at odds with your emotions, and the traditions you once shared may now feel like painful reminders of what’s missing.  

If you’re navigating grief this Christmas, know that you’re not alone, and there’s no “right” way to feel. Here are some gentle suggestions to help you honour your feelings, take care of yourself, and find moments of light during this difficult time. 

Honour Your Feelings—Whatever They Are

Grief doesn’t take a holiday, and it’s okay if you don’t feel festive. You might feel sadness, anger, or even guilt if moments of joy sneak in. All of these emotions are valid. I remember the first Christmas after losing my dad I was just so angry on Christmas day as I wanted it to feel the same as before, but inevitably it didn’t. 

Give yourself permission to feel what you feel without judgement. If tears come during a Christmas carol or laughter bubbles up during a silly family moment, let it happen. Both are part of the healing process and grief affects us all differently.

Create Space for Memories

Finding a way to include your loved one in your Christmas can be a source of comfort. Light a candle in their memory, hang an tree ornament that reminds you of them, or take a quiet moment to reflect on your favourite memories together.

When we choose a new Christmas decoration each, each year we buy one for my dad (Etta’s grandad) too, and at our local Christmas tree festival they have a memory tree so Etta writes his name and hangs it on the tree. They don’t notice me looking away as it still breaks me, but I am immensely proud that they embrace their memories and keep him in their little hearts

If it feels right, involve family or friends in this too—it can be a beautiful way to keep their presence felt this season.  

It’s Ok To Say No

The festive period often comes with social obligations, but you don’t have to say yes to everything. Be honest with yourself about what you can manage.  

It’s okay to opt out of traditions that feel too painful this year or to leave an event early if it becomes overwhelming. Let those close to you know what you need—they’ll no doubt be very understanding.

Find Comfort in Connection 

Grief can feel isolating, but you don’t have to carry it alone. Reach out to someone you trust, whether it’s a friend, a family member, or a health professional. Sharing your feelings, even if it’s just a small part of them, can lighten the load.  

Equally, don’t be afraid to embrace quiet moments of solitude if that’s what feels right.  

Be Gentle With Yourself

Christmas often comes with high expectations—perfect meals, happy families, endless cheer. But grieving is exhausting, and grief can hit us at very unexpected moments, knocking us sideways with the rush of emotion.

So try to be kind to yourself. Prioritise rest, eat what you can, and allow yourself small moments of comfort, whether that’s a cosy blanket, a favourite film, or a quiet walk.  

Look For Tiny Moments of Joy

Grief and joy CAN coexist, even if it doesn’t feel that way at first. A baby’s  giggle, the warmth and care from a tight hug, or the joy of giving gifsts can all provide small sparks of light in the darkness.  

You don’t have to force happiness, but allowing yourself to notice these moments can remind you that love and beauty are still present, even amidst the pain.  

There’s No Right Way to Do Christmas

This year, Christmas may look very different for you, and that’s okay. Whether you lean into traditions, create new ones, or let the season pass quietly, what matters most is doing what feels manageable and meaningful for you.  

Grief is a testament to love, and while the pain can feel unbearable, it’s also a reflection of how deeply you cared. This Christmas, give yourself the grace and compassion you’d offer a dear friend in your position.  

Sending you love from one greiving heart to another

Jen x