MANAGING GUILT AND COMPARISON AT CHRISTMAS

Christmas has a way of turning up the volume on everything: the magic, the chaos, the joy, and of course the pressure. If you're anything like me, it’s easy to feel like everyone else has somehow nailed the “perfect” Christmas, while you’re left wondering if you’ve done enough - enough or the right presents, are my children having enough fun and making core memories...

But here’s the thing, the magic of Christmas doesn’t come from an Instagram feed or a Pinterest-perfect table, it comes firmly from the love and care you pour into your family, however that looks for you. 

Here are some of our thoughts on how to keep the guilt at bay and focus on the good stuff.

What Your Children Will Treasure Isn’t 'Stuff'

Children don’t remember every gift they open on Christmas morning or what was in their stocking, instead, what sticks with them is how they felt: the warmth of your family traditions, the sparkle of fairy lights, that they got to stay up late on Christmas eve and cuddling up on the sofa watching a festive film. They want to feel loved and safe and you can give that in spades.

Unplug From the Highlight Reel

Social media can be a blessing and a curse at Christmas, as whilst it’s tempting to scroll through carefully curated photos of other families’ picture-perfect festivities it can leave you comparing it with your Christmas experience - but in reality they're sharing the highlights not the reality most of the time.

If you do find yourself spiralling into comparison and feeling heavy from it, take a break from the apps and focus on the moment in front of you. The world won’t end if you don’t capture and share every festive moment, and most likely you’ll feel lighter for it.

Reframe Your “Enough”

Christmas doesn’t have to look like a John Lewis advert to be meaningful (although I do love her jumper this year...) What “enough” looks like for your family is personal, and it doesn’t have to match anyone else’s version.

If guilt creeps in, try reframing as a technique. So instead of “I didn’t buy them enough,” tell yourself “I’ve given my children thoughtful gifts they’ll love.”
And instead of “We didn’t do enough Christmassy things,” try, “We spent quality time together, and that’s what matters.” - in reality that's the one that always gets me with Etta and Uma, but I'm learning to let go and reframe it so that it's our version of enough and special, and not what their best-friend's families got up to.

Let Go of “Perfect”

No one’s Christmas is perfect, no matter how it might seem and no matter how much you might want it, especially if it's you baby's first one. The turkey might dry out, the baby might have a nap meltdown, or your mother (or mother in law / step-mother) might bring the gift of passive-aggression for your enjoyment. But these little hiccups don’t ruin Christmas - they make it real so better to plan your response to them than let them get to you too much.

Try to let go of the pressure to create perfection and embrace the beautifully messy moments instead. And if it get's too much at times, get yourself away from the chaos and sit in a quiet room with your little one, or go for a walk around the block to breathe deeply and reset.

Gratitude: The Ultimate Guilt-Buster

If guilt starts to creep in, pause and take stock of what you do have this Christmas. A warm, safe home, a happy and healthy child, a partner who’s muddling through it all with you - these are the things to be grateful for.

Gratitude doesn’t mean you have to dismiss your worries, but it can help put them into perspective. And teaching your children to find joy in the simple things? That’s a lesson that will serve them for life.

Your Children Are Already Having Fun

It’s natural to wonder if your children are enjoying themselves as much as you want them to, but what we often forget is that kids are brilliant at finding joy in the simplest things, and for young babies it's a whole season of new sights, sounds, smells and faces - what's not to be excited about! 

If you’re feeling unsure, take a step back and really watch them. Chances are, their little faces are already lit up with wonder, and you’ve played the biggest part in making that happen.


Wishing you a Christmas full of love, laughter, and plenty of imperfectly perfect moments.

Jen & Family xx